Ask the Expert Q&A with David Brown Potentiality Coaching in the hot seat!

 

This is a compilation of the live Q&A.

Self belief

Kathy Salaman What would you say are the best ways of helping someone to improve their self-confidence? (huge question, I know.)

David Brown Well yes, it is huge. Very generally though I would say listen to your heart rather than the learned messages from society (family, fends, peers and the media) that you are not good enough and that you need to be more, do more and want more. What does your heart say?

In doing what other people expect of you, you are rarely in a position to ask the question, what do I want for myself. Self affirmation is the key to confidence. If you are pleased with you, you are more than half way there. Seeking approval from others is only a temporary solution. Find the solution within by finding your authenticity, values and purpose.

Q: If someone is stuck in the belief that they’re not good enough how do they break out of that? Do they need evidence to disprove what they’ve been told – maybe all their lives?

David Brown I think evidence is really important. In fact we have all the evidence we need. Usually it is a question of mind-set. We see events through the lens of I am not good enough, when in fact shifting that mind-set can show you that you are. I used to believe that I was not good enough to host an ask the expert session. I look at what makes we qualified to host such an event. What am I expert in. We are all experts in our selves, our journey and our experience of that journey. In being your self you are good enough. In measuring up to others, you are always lacking in some regard. Accepting you for who and what you are is really important in this. It is the start of think “I am OK” and you build from there.

The Mind / Body link

Ann Hawkins How does the mind / body link work David? Does one come before the other?

David Brown It is a chicken and the egg thing I think. Let’s start with the mind. Thoughts in the mind show in the body. Posture, how you walk, stand and sit all show your thinking to some degree. Thoughts such as stress and anxiety can show up in the body as tension, stiffness and can progress to illness and ultimately dis- ease (and sometimes quite severe) if left too long. It is important to address these thoughts for the impact they have on the body as well as the way they affect the mind. Tension in the mind means tension in the body. You can create relaxation in the mind by addressing these thoughts and also by relaxing the body. Stretching, exercise, diet, hydration, meditation and mindfulness all relax the body and so the mind too.

David Brown Always step out of your comfort zone. All confidence work stems from that in my experience. Remain in your comfort zone and your body will not respond with growth. Step just outside and your body is basically being told…. step up. We need more muscle, strength, stamina, balance, coordination. Consistently step out of your comfort zone and your body will respond. It is designed to do so. If you step too far out, it usually results in overwhelm. For the body it is injury, pain, tightness etc. Apply this to the mind, it manifests as stress, anxiety, depression, avoidance, denial etc. As you might expect, the two go hand in hand. Some stress is good- in mind and body it leads to growth and greater confidence. Too much stress, i.e. overwhelm, it leads to a contraction and an eroding of confidence.

Andrew Hawkins  what about rehabilitation after injury or accident? Apart from specifically targeted exercises what would be a good general regime to recover full mobility and confidence in movement?

David Brown Always step out of your comfort zone. All confidence work stems from that in my experience. Remain in your comfort zone and your body will not respond with growth. Step just outside and your body is basically being told…. step up. We need more muscle, strength, stamina, balance, coordination. Consistently step out of your comfort zone and your body will respond. It is designed to do so. If you step too far out, it usually results in overwhelm. For the body it is injury, pain, tightness etc. Apply this to the mind, it manifests as stress, anxiety, depression, avoidance, denial etc. As you might expect, the two go hand in hand. Some stress is good- in mind and body it leads to growth and greater confidence. Too much stress, i.e. overwhelm, it leads to a contraction and an eroding of confidence.

Ann Hawkins Can people ever successfully work on this on their own David? It sounds as though its a very delicate balance that needs someone with skill and experience as a guide.

David Brown I think there are skills and mind- sets you can develop to allow you to tackle these challenges on your own. A good guide should empower you to stand on your own two feet. Often we are too close to our “stuff” to realise what we are doing to undermine our own self- confidence. A guide can point that out so that we become more mindful of our own self sabotaging behaviours. Once we develop the skills to notice them we are self reliant and able to walk the journey alone again.

Overcoming fear

“Ttoo many of us are not living our dreams because we’re living our fears”. How would you suggest people approach fear in business/personal life?

I always love the FEAR acronym:
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

We manifest what we focus on. If we focus on fear, we get fear. If we focus on our dreams consistently and take positive steps to manifest them, then they will happen. Fear is a contracting force. It’s opposite, perhaps confidence, is an expanding force. Focus on your dreams realistically and take the steps out of your comfort zone to grow your confidence and your business. Fear keeps you locked inside your comfort zone and so you and your business or career do not grow. When you are self employed, your growth is your business’s growth. When you are in employment, substitute business for career.

Further reading

David Brown  Thank you  for your questions. The mind is a powerful tool which when left unchecked can powerfully undermine you. Only through mindfulness and awareness can we begin to pull it back from its habitual wondering, comparing and sabotaging and use it instead to empower, nurture and create a life of beauty. Your FEAR acronym is so true… we create our reality. It is your choice and it takes work either way. There are loads of blogs on my website  www.potentialitycoaching.co.uk that go into the topics we have covered here in more detail.
Happy reading and I hope it helps.

If you’ve got any questions for David, ask them in the comments section below …