Why our network is like a jazz band
Have you ever wondered why some people prefer one kind of music to another?
Apparently there have been lots of studies on the subject - all of them inconclusive.
I like jazz. I don't know why. It just connects with me in a way that no other music does, so I was interested to read recently that more than 450 well-known jazz solos have been studied by physicists from the Max Planck Institute for Dynamics and Self-Organization together with psychologists from the University of Göttingen and they have unraveled the secret of what makes jazz different to other forms of music.
They were able to demonstrate that jazz musicians use certain systematic deviations in timing that gives the jazz its unique rhythm - but that they use them unconsciously. Co-incidentally, many years ago, Charlie Watts (first and foremost, a jazz musician) was surprised to discover that this is what created the unique sound of the Rolling Stones.
If you've ever seen a jazz band play you'll have noticed that they don't need a conductor, rarely use sheet music and rely on a great deal of improvisation. They really listen to each other and move in and out of playing a lead role and then make way for others players without any direction.
So here's my segue ...
I'm often asked what makes this business community, Drive the Collaborative Network, so special. I didn't design it to be the way it is. It's become a unique and very special network because of the people who are in it and they way they respond to each other.
Our members have a lot in common with a jazz band:
* Everyone is talented
* Everyone respects each other's talent
* Many people are talented in the same area but they all bring different qualities to their work
* Everyone is more than their work: their character and values influence everything they do and how they interact
* Members never try to grandstand or sell themselves, they turn up to contribute
* They play off each other's strengths
It's a subtle and unconscious way of creating a great feeling with no egos involved.
It's taken me a long time to figure it out but now when some asks "What makes the Drive community so special?", I'll tell them maybe scientists could work it out but for us, its just like jazz - we do it without thinking about it!
If this style of collaborative networking appeals to you, come and try us out, see if we're a fit for how you like to work and explore what we can do together.
Challenges of networking and neurodiversity
How do people with neurodiverse conditions cope with networking?
There used to be a joke that you know when an introvert is networking because they look at your shoes instead of their own. Introversion isn't a neurodiverse/neurodivergent condition which typically includes ADHD, autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia and Tourette syndrome but I mention it because so many people find networking challenging that being aware of this helps us find ways to give more people the chance to connect and build great relationships.
Nathan Whitbread is a Neurodivergent Coach and offers some great insights into the challenges people with neurodiverse conditions face when networking. I think they're challenges that a great many of us face and his ideas can be applied equally to neurotypical people. See what you think:
Walking into a room full of strangers that you are supposed to be interacting with can be incredibly daunting. Add on top of this anxiety around who you are and how you communicate and suddenly there is a bit of a recipe for potential problems. Welcome to neurodiversity and networking.
As a neurodivergent person, I have always found networking a little bit challenging as it seems everyone else knows exactly what they are doing. So here are some things that I feel can help make what is a tricky area into something far more manageable and something you can achieve at.
Being ready to talk
The best spontaneous conversations are well practised!
This may sound like a completely bizarre statement, but the truth is if you want to be spontaneous and have something to say you need to practice. This could be as simple as practising engaging with strangers in conversation or just being ready to start more conversations with your friends about topics that you think they may be interested in.
Asking questions that make connections
With networking the key thing is finding out what the other person wants, not telling them what you want. I would encourage you to start conversations by asking questions about how you can help. For example, you might want to ask:
- why someone is there?
- or what challenges they are experiencing, that you could help with?
Telling real punchy stories
Think about your own stories, the things you have done, the people you have met and how they can be relevant to the people you are talking to now. No one can resist a story, especially when they help them solve problems. When telling stories it’s important that they are punchy and to the point and that while you’re telling them you are seeking feedback to make sure they are relevant to the person you’re talking to. (if their eyes glaze over or their face changes make sure you ask them if this is useful – if in doubt ask!)
For example, you might have a story about a recent client (you do not have to use the client’s name) or a problem that you solved as part of your work.
I would always recommend using stories as they illustrate not only the benefits and strengths that you can bring, but they also bring you alive as a person.
Being ok with who you are
Believe it or not, you are the very best person at being you, and there is no one else quite like you. Do not try and be someone else, be yourself that’s why people want to get to know you. It is important to celebrate who you are as well in terms of your attitude towards yourself. I can assure you that you have value, things to offer, you do things other people cannot do and you are the very best at being you. – Be yourself!
It takes a village to successfully network
What I mean by this is that contacts you already have will provide you with information that allows you to connect with others. This will help you engage in conversations and communicate better with new connections. No person is an island, utilise people you know, learn from them, and ask for feedback.
Drive, the Partnership Network has been this place for me.
What can hold you back
Mindset is key, when getting involved in networking start with what you want to achieve then ask others what they want and see if there is space to build something. People never stop talking about what they need. If you can tap into that you will network effectively because you will be able to help them find solutions for their problems.
Do not be the limit to your network
Research shows that we love to talk to people like us but unfortunately there is only a subset of the human population that are anything like us. If you are looking to network the chances are your skills and experience are going to be more useful to people that are nothing like you. Don’t be afraid because people are different they still breathe and have a pulse just like you.
Be proactive
You are not an impostor you have every right to share what you are doing and mix with others to find common ground. You need to accept no one knows what you know the way you know it, and no one will ever know it unless you interact and have real conversations with them. Also do not be afraid to ask for help there are a lot of people out there in a similar position who want to help and see you succeed.
Find allies and champions
Allies and champions are vital especially if you have got questions about things like, what is the value you bring?
These people will often know you best and can help you cement this value. They will also be the people that open doors for you and invite you to new places, and you will be able to support them. This is not an awkward thing to do, it just starts with a conversation
So do not be afraid to ask!
What do you think?
Do Nathan's tips apply to you? Do we all have our own quirks and insecurities around networking? What's your favourite tip?
If you would like some help please get in touch with Nathan.
This post was originally published on The Neurodivergent Coach blog.
How to network on-line
Why is on-line networking different to face to face networking?
Answer: It isn't.
And yet, lots of people who would quite happily chat in a crowded room with a cup of coffee in their hand seem to struggle when that same conversation takes place on-line.
Our Drive Tribe networks on-line in our weekly check-ins in our LinkedIn Group. It's quite obvious that some people are much more comfortable with this than others and, lets face it, some just don't get it at all.
One of the people who is exceptionally good at it is our Cat in the Hat J Laurence Sarno so of course we asked him for some tips to pass on to other members!
Ann recently told me I was pretty good at this online networking lark, and asked, could I bottle it.
Of course, I always do what Ann says, so below are my first thoughts to go in the bottle.
It would be excellent if you could add your best tips in the comments at the bottom of the page.
Why Bother?
First, why should we all strive to be better at this?
- Because it’s nice. It makes you feel connected; it makes others feel connected; it creates a general increase in net good on the planet. Win.
- You get support, great ideas that apply to your life and work, hell, you might even make friends, and it beats isolation hands down.
- You might help someone else, sometimes in profound ways. This raises your spirits and it’s good to feel you have value.
- When people feel you're interested in them, they're more likely to be interested in you.
- The more the members of the network know about what you do and who you are, the more likely they will recommend you if someone they know needs your services/product.
- This is a biggie. There are over 900 people in our LinkedIn Group. Many of them may never post anything but they lurke. They watch, they read and they notice. If you want to be noticed and make a favourable impression, this is the best, easiest, cheapest, most efficient way to get in front of a LOT of people. Seeing how you interact with others is a huge insight into the kind of person you are and your values. People buy you, not what you do, so this is a great opportuntity to show who you really are.
Tips for Online Networking
- Set aside a few minutes every week just to interact with the tribe. The last thing you want to do is post and run. That's kinda like breezing into a room and shouting "Hey folks, here I am!" spraying around a bunch of business cards and leaving before you talk to anyone.
- Before you post your catch-up, ask yourself:
Do I need support with something? If you do, stop being so uptight and just ask.
Do I want congratulations? Its fine to brag a little - people need to hear good news!
Do I want commiserations? Its good to keep things real. Not everything goes to plan and you can't get support if you pretend everything is OK when its not.
Do I have an observation about my week that might be valuable to others?
Is there anyone I want to thank publicly?
Read other people's posts and comments and talk to them like they were in the same room as you.
If their comment is funny say so, if its sad, offer some sympathy.
If you don't understand it, ask for more details.
Remember that you can make people feel good by acknowledging they're there and everyone loves people who make them feel good.
The first time someone shows up, welcome them and ask them something about themselves or their business. If their LinkedIn profile shows some happy connection between you and them, say it.
Oh, and yeah: Give a shit.
I wanted to translate that last statement into something more socially acceptable, but Ann said leave it: We’re in Drive because we actually do give a shit and we care about each other’s lives and work; so I know you’ll know exactly what I mean.
Join our LinkedIn Group and give it a go!
Competition v Collaboration
"There's no point in me joining Drive. You already have a graphic designer."
Well hold the phone!
We actually have a galaxy of graphic designers (who's counting?)
We also have a dazzle of developers, a phalanx of photographers, a covey of copywriters, a colony of coaches, a marvel of marketers, a pod of product developers, a troop of trainers, a clutch of consultants, a wealth of website developers and, well ... you get the idea.
We have only one garden designer but we're working on that 🌻
Our members believe that collaboration is much more powerful than competition.
There may be rare occasions when they are truly in competition with each other - but not really.
They each have different areas of expertise, different skill sets, different experience. Most of all, they have different personalities.
Even if someone has the same skills, experience and expertise, no-one will do the job exactly like you - and its you that people buy. Right?
More often than not they share their experience with each other, expand their skills, and recommend and refer each other. By working in collaboration they are stronger together than on their own.
If you want to be part of a great collaborative network, check out our membership details and get in touch!
How to get referrals
Want more referrals for your business? This is the best way to get them!
Alex: How do I get more referals for my business without spending a lot of time and money?
Sunni: Networking!
Alex: Hmmm … you mean breakfast meetings and elevator pitches?
Sunni: No. I mean on-line networking groups. They’re bigger and faster.
Alex: So I should join a group and post links to my website and hope people will visit it?
Sunni: NO! Networking means getting to know people in the group. You comment on their posts, ask them questions, congratulate them when they're doing well, sympathise when they're not, have a laugh with them, be interested in what they do and who they are.
Alex: Sounds like its all about them and not about me.
Sunni: Exactly
Alex: Wait! What's this?
Sunni: It's a seagull. Seagulls swoop in on conversations, dump their message and leave - or worse - they only show up when there's something on offer that they want then they try and steal it. Don't be a seagull!
Alex: So if I can't just advertise what I do or pick up work on offer, how does that help me?
Sunni: This is all about building relationships. People love it when you’re interested in them first. They’ll think you’re a really genuine person and when you post something about what you’re doing, they’ll ask you about it. Its all about trust and knowing you're not going to dump on them or steal from them.
Alex: OK, I'm getting the idea. And then what?
Sunni: When people get to know you, and they like you and the work you do, they’ll be happy to refer clients to you.
Alex: Doesn’t that take a long time?
Sunni: Not if you’re talking to 100s of people at the same time.
Alex: WHAT?!
Sunni: In a group with several hundred members only a few will actively engage with you but the rest watch and see how you interact, see what you do, get to know your talents, your values, your personality and that you’re a trusted person, so referrals come from them too.
Alex: No business cards? No elevator pitches? No kickbacks?
Sunni: No. Just conversations with people you probably end up making friends with.
Alex: Wow. How do I get started?
Sunni: https://www.linkedin.com/groups/3143015/
How to network on-line
Do you struggle with on-line networking?
Having a trusted on-line network is a huge advantage in business, and in life.
When you build a great network, not only do you have an immediate, trusted source of information and advice, you also have an army of people who like and respect you and are willing to help with word of mouth marketing - one of the most valuable marketing techniques that exists and one that can't be bought. It is truly priceless.
A side effect of having a great network is that you become a person of influence. You are asked to recommend people, products and services and your opinion carries weight.
Here are some tips about how to build such a great resource.
This is a compilation of the live Ask the Expert hour.
Starting a relationship
Q. What do you think the main challenges of networking on-line, for example, is it harder to build rapport with people (or conversely does it encourage people to trust others too quickly and lead to potential problems?)
Q. How do you start that on line relationship off? People say it's just like meeting someone in person. It doesn't feel like that to me!
Ann Hawkins I’ll take these both together as they’re similar...
Starting an on-line relationship is done the same way as a face to face one.
First impressions are just as important on-line as in person. A great photo and great introduction all help people to connect.
Then you look at what you have in common. Think of when you meet someone for coffee - you spend the first few minutes building rapport. It’s the same on-line but much faster and more honest. You can just click on the other person’s on-line posts and you’ll immediately see their character, personality and interests. Talk about the things you have in common, ask them questions (everybody likes talking about themselves).
Q. Some people see the screen as a barrier but it doesn't have to be, right?
Ann Hawkins That's true. People often reveal more about themselves on-line than they would face to face. You can spot people with a sense of humour, pedants, bores and much more just by reading their posts. The best part is, if you don't like what you see you can just click away, unfollow, mute or ignore them - much easier than in real life!
Q. Social proof is really powerful. You have instant access to check anybody out through their social proof, any con-artists, scammers etc are usually pretty easy to spot.
Q. For me it's about making friends which means being open and honest and, I find being me is the easiest least stressful option.
Ann Hawkins I've been friends with people on-line for seven or eight years without ever having met them and there is a huge amount of trust and genuine liking between us. As soon as you get to the stage where you've established real liking and trust, you get access to their wider network and as long as you are useful, interesting and show up regularly you’ll soon start to build a great network.
Show up regularly - in person
Q. I never really see how you can outsource relationship-making.
Ann Hawkins That's exactly it! Would you send an automated recording or yourself to a face to face networking meeting? No way!
You need to show up in person and be useful to your network on a regular basis. That means sharing their posts and tweets, making referrals, recommendations and introductions in a timely way. And answering when you're tagged!
If you’re in a group where people have discussions and ask for help, it’s a great opportunity to show your expertise or tag someone you know who can help. You should never try to take the conversation away from the group into a personal message or a sales pitch.
I’d recommend being present in person at least once a day. When you build a great on-line network it makes any marketing you want to do a lot easier. When people care about who you are and what you do they naturally want to help you. That's priceless!
If you only show up when you’ve got something to promote or sell, no-one will connect with you and they certainly won’t give you access to their wider network.
On-line helps face-to-face networking
Q. I am quite an introvert and the thought of attending a network event can often give me sleepless nights. Do you have any tips on how to control nerves and not look quite so tense at these type of events?
Ann Hawkins This is really where on-line networking can help the face to face experience. It’s one of the reasons why we've designed Drive the way it is.
Always check the attendance list. If you can see who is going to be in the room before you get there it helps a lot. I also like to connect with people on-line before meeting them in person - it makes the whole thing a lot easier when there is something more substantial than small talk to start a conversation.
Q. I always try to set aside time to do pre-meeting social connections. It means that you have a more productive experience when you meet face to face. This makes a HUGE difference.
Q. What information do you look for?
A. It depends on the event, what I'm hoping to achieve from meeting the person, whether they are a supplier, potential client, source of knowledge and insight. There are loads of reasons, sometimes it's just because they're interesting people and I'd like to learn/know more about a subject. Keeping an open mind is critical, just because someone is the CEO of a business doesn't mean that they will hold a great conversation, it's more about finding common ground, interest etc and expanding on those, not over thinking it and assuming by 'speaking' with someone that you'll get business.
Q. That makes me want to review my online profiles to see how I come across.
Ann Hawkins It works the other way round too: whenever you meet someone interesting face to face, connect on-line after the event and stay in touch in between meetings. It makes the relationship much stronger and the opportunities for wider networking are much greater.
Personal or business profile?
Q. On twitter, is it a good idea to have a separate personal handle for rants and frivolity, or is it ok to do that from your business account? Or does that depend on the type of business you run? I've recently stopped sharing and commenting on a lot of quite controversial stuff but really miss it.
Ann Hawkins How many real relationships do you have with a brand or a business account on Twitter (or anywhere)? Most people want to talk to people so the more you can be yourself the stronger the network you'll build. You may alienate a few potential clients but they're unlikely to do business with you for long if they don’t share your values.
Q. I used to have a work handle but binned it because I decided it was easier to be me, people know me, and if they don't like me, I'm OK with that. Also only tweeting as me prevents, most, alcohol related tweets and it gives people more chance to snout around my personal life and get to know me better.
Q. I struggle with this one. I am the person you will do business with, so I see the benefits of using my personal profile. But doesn't a business account help with people who are looking for a business, before they know me? For example, if I want updates from Dropbox, I follow their twitter account, not the account of their CTO or CEO.
Q. I think it also depends on how different your interests are. E.g. I was just talking to a friend whose interests and profession all fall broadly into the same category, so one account would work well. I'm into two different things that don't really overlap much (art/craft and creating online courses, well, I can see an overlap but that's just me...) so I've separated them out a bit.
Ann Hawkins If you are your business and it’s you delivering a service, most people will relate to you rather than a business account. However, if you have a product there is more of a distinction but most people will still like to know you as a person. Anonymous doesn't work. I think the problem is that people confuse on-line networking with social media marketing. They're two very different things.
A real network isn't just about business, it's about you as a person. The reason it can be incredibly useful when you have something to promote is because your trusted network will help you for no other reason than that they can. Word of mouth marketing by people who like and respect you is the most powerful marketing in the world.
Ann Hawkins is the M.D. of Drive the Network, a business mentor, author of New Business: Next Steps and has been networking and blogging on-line since 2005. If you have any questions about building a great on-line network ask them in the comments below or contact Ann at
http://annhawkins.com
Twitter @AnnHawkins
LinkedIn Ann Hawkins
Do you make a good second impression?
It's easy to make a good first impression.
You get into the right clothes, do a bit of grooming, practice the smile and the firm handshake, learn a bit about body language and wham, bam, thank you m’am, you’ve aced the first impression.
Everyone thinks you’re a great guy or gal and relaxes.
Then what?
Then the real you gets an outing.
When you stop trying to impress is there a different you that comes out?
I’ve recently had to re-asses my opinion of someone who always gives a great first impression performance and remembered this that I heard from George Raynault, a multi-millionaire I worked with for several years who was a very wise man:
Someone at a reception smiled a hello and shook my hand warmly.
Later I saw him sneering at one of the waiters.
And, later still, talking behind someone’s back.
You only have one chance to make a first impression, true, but you have an
awful lot of time to make plenty of second impressions.
If you are meeting someone for the first time and may not get a chance to see
them again, a first impression really counts. For a very short time.
However, if you are going to be interacting with a person over a longer period of
time then second impressions are even more important.
Is someone who is rude to waiters and cab drivers or who cheats a barmaid out
of small change really someone you want to do business with?
If someone is always blaming other people and doesn’t treat others as they’d like to be treated why would you recommend them to others?
If people know they can rely on you to behave well and honorably even if no-one is watching, if you listen to them, make them feel good, cheer them up, be kind or give them good advice they will always seek you out and introduce you to others.
Second impressions are even more important than the first ones.
The Drive Networking Manifesto
Our members have an inner DRIVE to be good at what they do, to be self-directed and connected.
People join our network to:
Connect and learn,
support and be supported
inspire and be inspired
to be human.
To build great relationships:
Be curious,
ask why rather than what
say, "tell me more"
find the person, not just the business.
To help and be helped:
Help people just because you can,
not because you expect anything in return
not because of karma
just because you can.
Listen more than you talk,
leave space
work on being interested, not interesting
make people comfortable
Have conversations instead of pitching,
look for connections, not leads
share your network
ask how you can help
Ask for help,
helping makes people feel good
ask them, let them,
and pay it forward with no expectation of anything in return.
Trust.
Autonomy, Mastery and Purpose
"The secret to performance and satisfaction is the deeply human need to direct our own lives, to learn and create new things, and to do better by ourselves and our world." Dan Pink
In his book "Drive", Dan Pink examines the three elements of motivation: Autonomy, Mastery and Purpose.
These are the words that struck a chord with me as I was searching for a name for this new style of networking organisation.
I've had a love / hate relationship with business networking for many years so, in the spirit of "take your own advice", the time had come to create something different.
The result is a business network that will do so much more than networking and will increase the success rate for small businesses (the majority fail before they get to five years old and of those that survive, very few make enough money for their owners to live on).
Members believe that collaboration is better than competition and get an unprecedented level of support and advice, from confidential mentoring to business training, networking opportunities, and help to join the dots between all the knowledge, expertise and skills that are available to help businesses to succeed.
If you like the idea and would like more information about what's involved in joining Drive, take a look at www.drivethenetwork.com and, wherever you are in the world, get in touch now and I'll gladly share the details.
Hope to see you involved in Drive soon!
Best wishes
Ann Hawkins
Stop "networking" just be human!
When you stop "networking" and start talking to people like an actual human being, you'll make great connections
How often have you attended a networking event or conference, and heard people ask “How do I meet the right people?”
Or maybe you've heard someone say something like “I want to make the right connections.”
When people ask, “How do I find the people who are relevant.” I get really annoyed.
It’s a pretty common type of question. A lot of it caused by networking "experts" teaching people to treat networking like some kind of battle plan.
It’s time to get out of that obnoxious mindset.
You’re in a situation with a high capacity for serendipity.
Open yourself up to meeting somebody who might not be obviously “relevant” but could turn out to be the most fascinating person you've ever met - or could be connected to people who ARE relevant to you! You just don't know until you take time to get to know people.
All it takes is one personal connection. One great meeting.
It’s not about the influence someone has; it’s about who they are and what they bring to the table. It doesn't matter what the first chess move is, because that person could facilitate a second, even more powerful move down the line. You could meet your next business partner, an amazing designer, someone with knowledge in a field you need help in. All it takes is one interaction, one meeting, one time when you didn't start by trying to guess how useful someone would be before you talked to them.
The bottom line is this: when you stop networking to get business and start acting like an actual human being, you will win in more ways than you thought possible.